7 days later

Sorry, i haven't posted in a while. The kiddos and I are adjusting back to our normal boring lives. Everyone was so glad to see daddy.
  I guess my experience or emotions rather have been much like the greaving process. Some days i feel very sad about my family and other times i am angry, and some days i just push them all out of my head and focus on my own family. Today is a sad day for me. Its the day after Easter ( no calls from family) and i've been super sick and spent most of my easter in bed with a high fever. It is also very rainy outside, which tends to dampen the mood, and the kids have been cooped up all day, so they are full of energy. I think about the every day challenge of the stay at mom with minimal support and young hyper children, and cant help but wonder how we manage to keep it together. Its a job that never seems to stop for us, the laundry is never completely washed, the kitchen only stays clean long enough to get the next meal started, and the multitude of other house chores are a never ending mountain. So, the reason for my sadness today is negativity that my parents inflict on my parenting. I recently read an article about all the advice people give new parents, and out of all our critic our own parents are the worst. The truth is, is that i learned my parenting from my parents, so why is it such a big deal? Its a big deal because, 4 kids isn't enough in their minds, my kids aren't in enough lessons, or everyminute of every day isn't taken up by church activities. My mom once told me that " Girls must be kept busy, boy must be overwhelmed!". Truth be told, my lone girl is harder to handle then all three of my boys. My husband and I haven't decided if we want anymore children, I am constantly reminding my mom that all my kids are under the age of seven and my husband works long hours. Not everyone is cut out to have 19 children, some people arent cut out to have any children at all. I am an adult, and as an adult i will make my life choices, for my self and right now for my kids. Mom, can you please just support me and my choices? Have i ever messed up badly? My kids are smart and bright, they are our next generation, the future of this country. Are they spoiled, yes! Are they discipliend, maybe not enough, but I would rather focus on their good behavior rather then their bad. Do they make messes, darn right they do, but how will they ever learn about the world if they sit in a corner all day, or stare at a TV? Its unfortunate that the maker forgot to include the manual when he sent me my kids, guess i'll have to figure it out as i go.....
   Still so many thoughts and emotions to sort.